All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just gargled with NyQuil
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
