dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
