In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
