how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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