Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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