I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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