Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My dick has a subreddit
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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