my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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