I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
