I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
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she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
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Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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