im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
