dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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