Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
