Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize