do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
