we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
