Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
