Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize