Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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