I wish I could punch you in the face.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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