Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
