I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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