I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
