If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
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You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
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On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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