I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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