chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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