pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
