my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
