what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
