names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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