he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
