You work out of a Hotel?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
