if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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