Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
