So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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