I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
pray to the hookup gods
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
