i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
