Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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