then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
