So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
is wine microwaveable?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
