Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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