Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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