hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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