Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(314): View more from Missouri

I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.

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(563): View more from Iowa

even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair

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(616): View more from Michigan

I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza

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(815): View more from Illinois

I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?

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(727): View more from Florida

This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not

(727): View more from Florida

And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now

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