no, he came in my armpit
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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