I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
