So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
