so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
