Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
