And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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