It was confusing and full of hummus
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
