saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
