I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
