he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
