I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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