dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
