my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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