So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
