I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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