I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
