During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever