what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.