in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Never let your siblings swipe right.