I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.