I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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