Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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